Anyway the wind blows....: 10 steps to attain salvation. (It works!)

Monday, December 05, 2005

10 steps to attain salvation. (It works!)

It was raining heavily in Chennai. Many of the roads around, namely the kotturpuram road and Nelson Manickam Road are blocked due to the rain. Moreover, it is very difficult to travel in the rain. So I thought of communicating with the outer world through the World Wide Web.

1. Switched on my computer; logged in, stopped gtalk from logging in (this is driving my hysterical..!@#@.. Every time, I remove it from startup, somehow it finds its way back to the startup.), closed msn (I will kill sabeer bhatia for selling hotmail to Microsoft)

2. After 5 minutes of great effort, I managed to open the firefox browser.

Blink

There has been a black out... What the hell... I don't have an ups, and the power connection is very unstable these days with black outs every now and then :(

3. Immediately power was restored. I wonder if this is done by some sadist to see how many computers core dump by doing so. These guys should be caught and shot.

4.. Back to step 1 and 2, and then jump to step 5.

5. Checked my mails. My yahoo id is more or less a junk inbox these days. I get mails congratulating me for winning the million pound British online lottery, mails asking me to pay back the loan that I never took from a bank that I have never heard about in my life, nth invitation to the names database, sent by some idiot, and which keeps me sending the reminders. I wish to forget about it, then wtf? Another two mails, one from Ringo, and the other from birthday calendar.

Some nonsense.

After deleting all these, I am welcomed by a very sentimental mail that says, if I don’t spam all my friends with that mail, I will have my b@!!s cut off by none other than the God almighty. I should be lucky to meet God, if that is the case. Then comes the junk forwards (many of them are nice but) and to add to my woes, most of them are forwarded by me to these guys (yup! I am also a spammer!)

6. After painstakingly going through all the mails, I log in to orkut. These days, orkut are better, because they are yet to understand the eternal satisfaction of spamming. After signing in, I am welcomed by this beautiful screen.

How tragic! I felt like killing Mr. Orkut Buyukkokten, who developed this nice thing called orkut, and making me addicted to it and then paining me like this. I have told those guys infinite times that I don't need your f!@#ing donuts First of all I hate donuts. Secondly, if I want a few, I am rich enough to buy them. After all, it costs below 10 bucks here.

7. So I closed the browser, and started making a call to one of my friends. Its ringing, I went out of my room in search of a better coverage and he picked the phone up. After that, we both can hear someone else talking through the phone.

Adaa Paavi… enna pannaray??

WTF! I don't know any Mr. Paavi..The airtel coverage sucks these days. A lot of crosstalk these days and most of the time, the coverage is fluctuating, and the calls get disconnected quite often. I am getting pissed off. After spending money on a couple of unsuccessful calls (Their tariff system seems to be up and running well! thhuu)
So I started smsing my friends. I am having free sms, and I want to exploit that facility. Here airtel outsmarted me again. I got the message: Service not available.. I would have killed them if I got them then.

8. After calming down, I decided to call the customer care. I tried 121, 123 and 124, to be greeted by a dumb lady who kept on narrating about the new schemes and facilities provided by airtel, aiming to fool unsuspecting people like me. And they have removed the option to talk to airtel customer care personnel.
Finally I fished out the customer care number 9840012345. After waiting on line for few minutes, and explaining my problem for a few more minutes, I realized that this line is meant for post paid customers. I blew that personnel's head off by blasting at him. He apologized and patiently gave me the no 9840198401. To add fuel to my fire, the call was charged too.

9. I have been trying to reach that no. since then. Everytime, I am greeted by the on screen message “Wrong Number”.

10. I changed my philosophy. I have finally decided to give up on these worldly issues. I have become a sadhoo. I have cut the contacts down, and I am meditating a lot these days. I am getting sound sleep now, and I am enjoying the eternal pleasure of Giving up. I guess I will attain salvation soon.

(PS: Please forward this message to as many people as possible. On failing to do so, you will have painful death, either by gingivitis or ant bites. This shall be the word of Guruji. So forward a.s.a.p and save yourself. Hail me!)